We reach many milestones in our lives and we have grown to associate them with celebration or over celebration of substance in many cases. In the video I speak of celebratory incidences and how they can impact overindulgence of alcohol. Many things in life, we take for granted…..simply the air and the beauty we are surrounded by all hours of the day.
When I left working on the ambulance, there were a couple of weeks of panic and chaos that I thought for sure would never be overcome. I had just lost my job, perhaps my marriage and my family was spitting fire at the mistakes I had made. I took that as an opportunity to get sober, and did quite well for a year and a half. In that year and a half I had started a local branch of a national recovery program, I had focused a majority of my energies on recovery and the recovery community, and worked very hard at encouraging the success of others in recovery….that made me fell good…or so I thought.
I kept collecting my coins and putting them in a pill bottle, but….who do I show them to? Who are they important to? Everyone was sick of hearing about my recovery weren’t they? Wasn’t everyone tired of hearing “I have a meeting, so I will be late”? The coins started to feel less important the further I went into my recovery, because noone gave a shit anymore. So, I quit giving a shit and ultimately relapsed. Then, all of a sudden, those coins I had collected really did not mean anything to me…..because I had to start over collecting. Which became another obsession of mine.
Now, seven months later, I have come to the realization that the coins are less important to me, the days are less important to me, but the milestone of going to bed the same way I woke up (sober) was in itself-a milestone. I started to appreciate the smell of fresh cut grass and the vivid colors. I have never in my life seen so many fucking rainbows-and that is not a figure of speech, I actually TOOK THE TIME to find them, or at least became aware enough of the world around me to acknowledge these rainbows.
I am just as selfish with myself and my time as the next guy is. I know this, and that too is a milestone. I would never consider myself a narcissistic person, but there are moments where even I thought that to be contrary. I just want to have the things I want in life, and I don’t want to piss away what I already have, based on getting a buzz and partying. I hope you all find the following video to be helpful, and if there is ever a topic you would like to see me talk about, please feel free to either private message me on facebook @gumballheadkzoo or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Put in the subject line “Gumballhead Topic” and I will be sure to post it in the calendar of video events.
I say this with all the love I can muster; stay sober, stay strong, stay focused